[2011-05-09] This Is The Blog You're Looking For

Last week was a very special, very important week for humanity and our future. Wednesday was Star Wars Day, May the Fourth (be with you)!!  To some, Star Wars day is as big as Christmas, to others, it's WTF OMG LAME. I don't care much for the second group. It is a day to celebrate and remember the wonder that is the story of Star Wars. And what better way to celebrate than to write a post about it's awesomeness? 

Ok...that does look like fun.

This is also acceptable...but I definitely think the 3rd best way to celebrate would be by writing a post.

So, why is Star Wars so awesome? What makes it the greatest documentary (may or may not actually be a documentary) ever? Well first of all, it was a long time ago, so that makes it ancient history. And everyone loves history, I mean how cool were Egyptians? Second, it's in a galaxy far far away, which means aliens. There's the proof you've been looking for, there is other life...or at least was if you go that far back in time; which is inconvenient as it never gets mentioned exactly how long ago it was. But that's what the movies are for, who has a space craft capable of time travel anyway (also known as a space-time machine), that could be dangerous.

But seriously, every kid (age range 4 to 30+) that has ever watched Star Wars has at some point pondered the idea of somehow making or otherwise getting their hands on a real working, awesome lightsaber. Combine that with the Millennium Falcon, a ship so fast that it can measure time using parsecs, and you'll have women in metal bikinis chasing you before you can say 'It's a trap!!'

Unless that happens...then you'll just have to hope that Yoda pops up to remind her, 'Size matters not'.

If you're like me and born in the 90's (or any time after '83 for that matter), then you unfortunately never got to see the original trilogy at the cinema (apparently there was a special screening throughout the early-mid 90's of them...I'm still trying to figure our why I wasn't taken to watch them, looking at you Mum and Dad). That didn't stop me from loving it the first time I watched it, even if it was only on VCR. Now if I was too sit here and review every Star Wars movie, it'd take forever, and probably wouldn't be that great either, cos I'm not a move critic. There are however, various characters, objects and themes I would like to point out.

Number 1: Even the bad guys are awesome.

Darth Vader, Stormtroopers and Boba Fett: All bad. All bad-ass. Notice they all wear armour, and have cool masks. Vader is asthmatic, Stormtroopers can't shoot, and Fett hardly says a word, yet there's just something about them that makes them awesome. And remember they're bad guys as well, how many movies have you seen and actually liked the dude that you're meant to hate? Batman movies excluded.

Wow.

Number 2: Awesome Weapons

I already mentioned lightsabers, but did I mention DOUBLE ENDED LIGHTSABERS? Or blasters? *PEW PEW PEW* There's also lightning fingers, how cool is that? Plus the various other things you can do with the Force, such as choking people, throwing things at people, confusing people, jumping really high, sensing people. It's not really a weapon...but it's pretty damn cool. Sort of like magic, but without the wooden sticks.

Number 3: Awesome Vehicles

The Death Star. Huge-ass ball-ship that destroys planets. Sure, they both get exploded, but explosions are also awesome, so that's like double awesome! Dogs are also cool, but what about massive robot dogs that shoot lasers (AT-AT, a dog-tank hybrid). X-Wings are named after the awesomest letter in the alphabet, perhaps second only to Z, but you can't make a space ship out of that. Star Destroyers and massive triangles, TIE Fighters make awesome noises...every single vehicle used in Star Wars is awesome.

Does your bike hover?

Number 4: Merchandise

I know a lot of big movies get toys, but how many of them get LEGO, figurines, costumes, props, video games, board games, card games, models, plush toys and sex toys? Not to mention the clothes, accessories, posters and bed linen. Just imagine going to sleep every night in your Luke Skywalker PJ's, with the Millennium Falcon on your sheets, cuddling your giant Chewbacca plush, your Darth Vader clock-radio creating a dim, red glow from his eyes, as you push your lightsaber into your girlfriend's Tauntaun (re-enacting the scene of course, it's just a sleeping bag) and staring at the massive Death Star wall cling on your ceiling. During the day it only gets better. You build some Star Wars LEGO models (like the Ultimate Collectors Edition Star Destroyer), play a round of Star Wars Monopoly, then maybe some more lightsaber training.

Did I mention Boba Fett? Yeah, he's pretty awesome.

Number 5: Parodies & Pop-culture

How to measure success of something: Constant references throughout movies, TV, books etc. whether in honour of, or parody of...or both. Star Wars is so awesome, Family Guy did complete parodies of the whole original trilogy. Robot Chicken devoted two entire episodes to parodying Star Wars. Blue Milk Special, who I previously wrote a post about, is a web-comic that parodies the original trilogy. Matthew Reilly, who I have also wrote about in a post, makes constant references in many of his books. I can guarantee that if you look at every movie you've ever seen, there's Star Wars references in many more than you'd think.

So you might be wondering what I think about the prequels. To be honest, they're not that bad. As movies in general, they're actually pretty good. Think about 007: The Quantum of Solace; as a Bond movie it was shit, but for a standard action movie, it wasn't that bad. This is exactly the same thing. Lucas was also trying to reach a wider audience by making it more for kids as well. You have to take that into account. Yes, I do prefer the original trilogy, but I'm not going to bitch about the the prequels, they're there, so deal with it. If you hate them that much, then just don't watch them.

There's worse things in life. And admit it, you liked him when you were 10.

You also might've heard Star Wars is being re-released in 3D, starting with the Phantom Menace in 2012. In case you didn't know...STAR WARS IN 3D! Personally, I don't care much for 3D. As a kid, it was pretty cool, with the red and blue glasses, and things actually popped out at you. Modern 3D however, doesn't seem to have that same effect. Sure, it gives a bit more depth, but nothing that makes you duck as it nearly hits you in the face. Take Avatar, I was a really good movie, but the 3D did nothing for me. So why am I excited about 3D Star Wars? Original trilogy on the big screen!! If the 3D works, then great, just as long as I get to see what I missed out on 30 years ago. Oh, and it gives me an excuse to dressed up, something I always wanted to do, but again...too young.

In summary, Star Wars is awesome because of bas-ass characters, awesome weapons, Boba Fett, awesome vehicles, Boba Fett, awesome merchandise, Boba Fett, pup culture references and FREAKING BOBA FETT. The prequels aren't as awesome as the original trilogy, but still awesome (come on, Revenge of the Sith was pretty good...). And 3D re-releases!

Time for the results of the most recent poll, Favourite Movie Saga:

With zero, zip, zilch votes, in last place was Pirates of the Caribbean. Next with one vote, The Matrix. In 3rd place with 2 votes, Harry Potter. Coming in 2nd is Lord of the Rings with 4 votes. And naturally, in winning the poll with 9 votes, Star Wars (how convenient).

'I thought they smelled bad...on the outside'

Chris.